Happy New Year, all ye who still read this long forsaken blog. January 1, 2007, has come and gone, and it is safe to say that I do not feel much changed. Is not the first day of the year a needed reminder that I cannot do anything on my own? I did not make any firm resolutions except that I quietly hid hopes of becoming kinder and more patient in the back of my mind. And by becoming, I meant that I would be, without set back or delay, immediately kinder and more patient. Kindness and patience are not the actual words I was internally using, but I just desired a general sense of unselfishness and humble godliness. Sounds good, huh? However, New Year's Day proceeded something like this:
8:00, Wake up, drink coffee, seem to have a very unselfish attitude.
9:00 Pray with husband...Ok, so this was actually beneficial. I should have started here in the first place, on my knees instead of pridefully thinking I can suddenly be what I have never been before on my own.
10-2 Groceries, lunch, etc. No big set backs yet. (I'm sure there were many inward sins, but for the sake of the story, I'm just depicting the outward appearance. I am by no means saying that I had not sinned up to this point, because I know I had. OK, just wanted to clear that up...)
2:30 Here it comes...I am taking the groceries in and Flesh rears its awful head...An unkind word to husband because obviously you should not try to have serious conversation when taking in the groceries. And, of course, all the groceries must be brought in in one trip, or all is lost, so my arms are giving way quickly under the weight of eight or so Walmart bags. Inwardly, I sink...the new year is now a complete failure. I can never start again. Oh, no!
2:45 Groceries up (with husband's help)
3:00 Start black-eyed peas to simmering. Quick bike ride with all the other New Year's exercisers.
Ok, so I could go on, but hopefully you get the point. I started my new year on the wrong foot, or wrong feet, because I started it on my own feet. Why did I not realize that God in his infinite kindness and steadfast love had given me those desires to be more like him? I am thankful that He has worked on me so much already. And, why did I think that on January 1, though on no other day, I could of my own will be better? I must admit I laughed at myself quite a bit when I realized my prideful mistakes. This year, like every other year, I must be changed by his power, not my own. So, Happy New Year. I hope you do not follow in my foot steps my taking change into your own hands. Work in God's strength for his glory.
Not to us, O Lord, not to us,
but to your name give glory,
for the sake of your steadfast love and faithfulness!
Psalm 115: 1
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