Summer already...

Happy June! I have returned from my long blog sabbatical, though I am not promising any consistent blogging for the next month. This month, really the last two months, has flown by without any concern for my wanting it to slow down. I have taken the USMLE (medical licensing exam) Step 1 and begun my first clerkship in pediatrics. Gone are my own preferences on how to use my time. Gone are the afternoons of couches and coffee (and books). Gone is my own routine, my own schedule, my own time. Yes, these luxuries are gone. I have been planning around only my own desires for the last two years, and I am now at the mercy of those "higher-ups." But, I am also at the mercy, the great and sacred mercy, of God. He has so kindly given me this time of servitude to hopefully pull out of me my selfishness. Here are some of the verses I am memorizing for the upcoming months:

"Be subject for the Lord's sake to every human institution, whether it be to the emperor as supreme, or to governors as sent by him to punish those who do evil and to praise those who do good. For this is the will of God, that by doing good you should put to silence the ignorance of foolish people. Live as people who are free, not using your freedom as a cover-up for evil, but living as servants of God. Honor everyone. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the emperor.
Servants, be subject to your masters with all respect, not only to the good and gentle but also to the unjust. For this is a gracious thing, when, mindful of God, one endures sorrows while suffering unjustly. For what credit is it if , when you sin and are beaten for it, you endure? But if when you do good and suffer for it you endure, this is a gracious thing in the sight of God. For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you , leaving you and example, so that you might follow in his steps. He committed no sin, neither was deceit found in his mouth. When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly. He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By his wounds you have been healed. For you were straying like sheep, but have now returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls." 1 Peter 2:13-25

I do not mean to imply that I am endure sorrows or suffering unjustly, because I am not. But, I will have people in authority who instruct and correct me. I want to serve them as if I was serving God. I want to serve them humbly, unselfishly, without excuse. I am so grateful for the authority that I will have for the next few years in my life, be they "good and gentle" or "unjust." Either way, I hope to serve them with love. Please pray for me as I try to do this-pray for God's strength and grace in my heart.



On more of a practical note, I have noticed that peommes has become more like prosemmes in the last few months. The poems have been few and far between because my down time has followed the same pattern. Thanks for reading despite (or maybe because of) the lack of poems. I am working on one, so look for a post in the next day or two. Have a beautiful and relaxing first day of June!

The Small Things

I am not an irresponsible person, but I have a terrible time getting small things done. This is strange, I know, for someone who is fairly Type A and also in medical school. You would think that I would be all organization and schedules, and I am for the most part. I like my house clean (not just neat, but actually free of germs), and I love to make lists. Sometimes I add things to my lists that I have already done, just so I can then cross them off. However, I hate (yes, actually despise) taking care of small details. I cannot think of anything worse than mailing letters (I like to write them, just not mail them), making phone calls, putting my insurance card in my car...I have no idea why these things, chores that take a total of two minutes, bother me so, but they do. And not only do I not want to do them, it bothers me that I have not done them. This vice of mine is also most annoying to my husband because he gets things done immediately, before I even knew they needed to be done. Anyway, I did not mean to be so long winded, but I needed to explain this side of myself in order to share a story of God's provision.

On Tuesday, I took a practice test at the testing center where I will take Step 1 next week. All the procedures were identical to the real test, so I had to show my driver's license and sign in. Of course, due to my above mentioned problem, I did not want to put my license back in my wallet-too much trouble even if I had thought to do it-so I put it in my back pocket. I did not think about said license again, and it would probably still be in my jeans pockets, on the hook in the closet without God's kind providence. (By the way, the hook system in my closet is another example of my problem...I do not want to hang up jeans that I am going to where again in two days, so I have hooks.) Well, yesterday I decided at the last minute to go to church for dinner, so I changed out of my sweats and into my jeans that were still hanging on the hook. These jeans are a bit too short, but I wore them anyway. On the way into church, I decided to try to pull my jeans down a bit, so I would not look like I was waiting for a flood, and much to my surprise, I found my driver's license in my back pocket. I am so thankful that my pants were too short, that I decided to eat at church, that I left my jeans hanging on the hook. God once again took care of me, even in this seemingly small thing, because next Tuesday I will be able to take my test, instead of arriving without my driver's license. Wow, how amazing to see God's hand even in the smallest things. I guess this is also a lesson that I need to work on getting the small things done.

Good Friday

Is not good Friday a strange name? No other religions can call the day their lord dies "good". But it is so good to us. Today, and every day, we celebrate the death of our Lord and our God. Jesus Christ, humble in human flesh, bleeding and disgraced, died on the cross. He have himself for our sins; He lived perfectly and died that we might take part in his inheritance. We are heirs with him because He has imparted his righteousness on us. What else do we need to call it Good Friday?

I have been praying specifically that God would allow me to understand more his steadfast and deep love for his children. And, thankfully God has opened my eyes in many ways to the depth of his love. This is what Paul prays for us in Ephesians 3- that we would have the "strength to comprehend with all the saints...the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge." The strength? Isn't is odd that this requires strength? To comprehend something that surpasses knowledge? How can we? I think that Paul is showing us that we never will. For all eternity we will be comprehending, never wholly understanding, but forever in awe of Christ's unfailing and holy love.


Here is an old hymn (1700's) by Isaac Watts:

Alas and did my savior bleed
And did my Sovereign die?
Would He devote that sacred head
For sinners such as I?

Was it for sins that I have done
He suffered on the tree?
Amazing pity! Grace unknown! And love beyond degree!

Well might the sun in darkness hide
And shut His glory in
When Christ, the great Redeemer died
For man the creature's sin.

Thus might I hide my blushing face
While His dear cross appears,
Dissolve my heart in thankfulness,
And melt mine eyes to tears.

But drops of grief can ne'er repay
The debt of love I owe:
Here, Lord, I give my self away
'Tis all that I can do.

pride and humility

Sometimes my life is themed. For weeks, I will have some continuous theme that recurs in my life. I will see the same person in different places or learn the same thing from different sources. Often, I will hear the same verse repeated, over and over, as if God is banging me over the head with a specific idea. Sadly, my theme for the week is humility, or lack of it. Now, I cringe to even discuss humility openly, because I do not want to learn humility. It is dreadful to imagine the ways I could be taught humility...bad test grades, embarrassment, helplessness. No, I am most certain that I do not want to be taught humility, but, oh, I do want it. And herein lies the dilemma. How can I learn humility without being humiliated? How can I get rid of my awful pride and still look like I have it all together? I suppose the answer is that I cannot.

Let me tell you about the way I am being hit over the head by humility. It is subtle, but it is obvious to me that my innards need to change. Last week, I posted the verses from Ephesians 3, Paul's prayer for the Ephesians. Well, today I went to a Holy Monday service at lunch, and what was the scripture being exposited but Ephesians 3. I did not think this verse was about humility, but now I see that it surely is. Paul prays that we will have the strength to know the love of Christ-the breadth and length and depth and height of it. And now I see that Christ's great love must humble me so much more than any embarrassment on earth, for He saved me when I could not save myself. I did nothing to deserve his peculiar love. And, He has saved so many people that I would not have saved because of my deeply ingrained pride, my self esteem, my sin. He has saved the poor, and the dirty, and the sick, and the evil. And those people that I do not want to sit with or talk to, and definitely not touch, He has loved them, too.

Those people are me. I am evil without Christ. I am sinful and full of myself. I am unlovable to all but Christ. Oh, the breadth and length and height and dept of the unspeakable love of Jesus. This is my joy...His love, not myself. How thankful I am that I do not have to rely on myself, that my salvation does not depend on me, that He will forever be my righteousness. My humility is in my lack of holiness, but my joy must also be there. Jesus Christ is my only hope, but in Him I have all the hope I need.

Praise Him for our salvation and that we can celebrate Easter with joy for the salvation we have received. Happy Holy Monday!