pride and humility

Sometimes my life is themed. For weeks, I will have some continuous theme that recurs in my life. I will see the same person in different places or learn the same thing from different sources. Often, I will hear the same verse repeated, over and over, as if God is banging me over the head with a specific idea. Sadly, my theme for the week is humility, or lack of it. Now, I cringe to even discuss humility openly, because I do not want to learn humility. It is dreadful to imagine the ways I could be taught humility...bad test grades, embarrassment, helplessness. No, I am most certain that I do not want to be taught humility, but, oh, I do want it. And herein lies the dilemma. How can I learn humility without being humiliated? How can I get rid of my awful pride and still look like I have it all together? I suppose the answer is that I cannot.

Let me tell you about the way I am being hit over the head by humility. It is subtle, but it is obvious to me that my innards need to change. Last week, I posted the verses from Ephesians 3, Paul's prayer for the Ephesians. Well, today I went to a Holy Monday service at lunch, and what was the scripture being exposited but Ephesians 3. I did not think this verse was about humility, but now I see that it surely is. Paul prays that we will have the strength to know the love of Christ-the breadth and length and depth and height of it. And now I see that Christ's great love must humble me so much more than any embarrassment on earth, for He saved me when I could not save myself. I did nothing to deserve his peculiar love. And, He has saved so many people that I would not have saved because of my deeply ingrained pride, my self esteem, my sin. He has saved the poor, and the dirty, and the sick, and the evil. And those people that I do not want to sit with or talk to, and definitely not touch, He has loved them, too.

Those people are me. I am evil without Christ. I am sinful and full of myself. I am unlovable to all but Christ. Oh, the breadth and length and height and dept of the unspeakable love of Jesus. This is my joy...His love, not myself. How thankful I am that I do not have to rely on myself, that my salvation does not depend on me, that He will forever be my righteousness. My humility is in my lack of holiness, but my joy must also be there. Jesus Christ is my only hope, but in Him I have all the hope I need.

Praise Him for our salvation and that we can celebrate Easter with joy for the salvation we have received. Happy Holy Monday!