Well, here it goes...

I wrote this poem several months ago but I have not posted it because it is somewhat harsh. But, in explanation, it is written to myself. I found myself wanting to help my patients who were "innocent", those whose disease had happened to them in a seemingly unjust manner, more than I wanted to help the drunkards, the morbidly obese patients, and the criminals. And, looking at myself, I was humbled by the fact that Christ died for me when I was yet a sinner, before I could even ask to be saved. If He can love me like this, when I sinned against him, hurting myself, how can I not love my patients who also "did it to themselves"?

rotting flesh, stench following me home

to safety where I dwell

awful scent of sweat and anaerobes

mingled with guilt and fear

guilt because the illness is self-induced

fear because there is no end, no cure, no stopping it


rotting flesh, pounds of fat beneath

sad eyes sinking into round cheeks

open wounds in crevices no one wants to clean

wounds inside from gazes averted and blame cast

gasping for air, short sentences between breaths

the weight of years bearing down on the soul beneath


rotting flesh, I stare then look away

show no mercy for him who ate drank sexed shot up hurt himself

help the sick and innocent but not the guilty

let him sit in dying skin

sinking lower in a pit of his own mistakes and excrement

waiting for another day of death

rotting flesh, this is me to Jesus

sitting helpless

my own faults too many to weigh

finite list of sins but infinite capacity for the bad

death in my every breath

the greatness of my sin hiding even the need for help


rotting flesh behind, layers of self love and self disgust

he pulls me out of the pit

shedding what held me to the ground

He saved me from myself when I was yet guilty

He loved me dark and running with my own seeping sin

Dying, He saved me though I did it to myself






Ephesians 2:1-10
And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience- among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind. But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ- by grace you have been saved- and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.