Here is a quote about Christians from the second century (I actually saw it on another blog). I only hope that I can look like this to the people around me, but I fear that too often I am different from the world in the wrong ways. I speak different and shy away from the poor and sinners, instead of trusting that God will provide and looking different because I love the poor and the sinners.
"For the Christians are distinguished from other men neither by country, nor language, nor the customs which they observe. For they neither inhabit cities of their own, nor employ a peculiar form of speech, nor lead a life which is marked out by any singularity. The course of conduct which they follow has not been devised by any speculation or deliberation of inquisitive men; nor do they, like some, proclaim themselves the advocates of any merely human doctrines. But, inhabiting Greek as well as barbarian cities, according as the lot of each of them has determined, and following the customs of the natives in respect to clothing, food, and the rest of their ordinary conduct, they display to us their wonderful and confessedly striking method of life. They dwell in their own countries, but simply as sojourners. As citizens, they share in all things with others, and yet endure all things as if foreigners. Every foreign land is to them as their native country, and every land of their birth as a land of strangers. They marry, as do all [others]; they beget children; but they do not destroy their offspring. They have a common table, but not a common bed. They are in the flesh, but they do not live after the flesh. They pass their days on earth, but they are citizens of heaven. They obey the prescribed laws, and at the same time surpass the laws by their lives. They love all men, and are persecuted by all. They are unknown and condemned; they are put to death, and restored to life. They are poor, yet make many rich; they are in lack of all things, and yet abound in all; they are dishonoured, and yet in their very dishonour are glorified. They are evil spoken of, and yet are justified; they are reviled, and bless; they are insulted, and repay the insult with honour; they do good, yet are punished as evil-doers. When punished, they rejoice as if quickened into life; they are assailed by the Jews as foreigners, and are persecuted by the Greeks; yet those who hate them are unable to assign any reason for their hatred."
- Mathetes, Epistle to Diognetus
Monday, February 11, 2008
Saturday, January 12, 2008
All we own...
is in a huge box in front of our house. We are refinishing/installing hardwood floors in our house this week. By we, I mean other people whom we are paying to do the work. Apparently, HJ and I are the harriest people ever. Or, we have the worst vacuum cleaner ever. Either way, our floors manage to get completely matted with hair every week despite the thourough vacuuming we impart on them. I have gotten to the point that I walk around a pull the hair off the carpets by hand before attempting a vacuum. Pitiful as it might sound, I think our hair has been the major impetus for the new floors. As a I sit a look at the once-white-now-brownish carpets, I relish the thought that is less than 7 days, if all goes as planned (and it never does), we may actually have a hair-free, easily cleanable surface on our floors. Hurray! Even HJ is excited to see the hair-infested floors go. Also, we found that half our house had old (1920ish) heartwood pine beneath our carpet, so we didn't want to waste such a find. Part of the wood has another layer of faux wood floors on top. Why would you put fake wood on top of real wood? I don't understand. Anyway, sorry to re-enter the blogging world with such a random post, but I wanted to at least say that I am still alive. I have just started a new rotation and have slightly more time on my hands this month. I hope to post again soon. Here are some pictures of the project:
Sorry it is sideways. Here is our empty den:
One our our many hairballs...hope you don't have a hypersensitive gag reflex.
Fake wood over 1949 newspaper over hardwood
The future of our floors (minus all the paint)
Sorry it is sideways. Here is our empty den:
One our our many hairballs...hope you don't have a hypersensitive gag reflex.
Fake wood over 1949 newspaper over hardwood
The future of our floors (minus all the paint)
Friday, September 21, 2007
The Many Sausages of Eastern Europe
Apparently, the main fare in Eastern Europe is meat, usually in some form of sausage. I have never had so much packaged meet in my life. Every menu consisted of a list of different sausages and different potatoes to compliment these protein-rich meals. I didn't realize until I looked back over my pictures how many pictures we had taken of our meaty treats, but here they are:
In a bun...
In the sun... 
And, yes, we did eat "Vienna Sausages" in Vienna. For all you innocent readers out there, let me explain. For the past four or five years, there has been an ongoing (never-to-be-dropped) debate on the correct pronunciation of Vienna Sausage. In the south, this potted delicacy is not pronounced as the city Vienna is pronounced. (The "i" is long, the "e" is also long.) The boys, featured in this last picture with Vienna Sausage on fork, are still in disagreement. Oh well, we may never know the truth.
You can eat them anywhere...On a train
In a bun...
In the sun...
In your shades...
At night in Prague...
For lunch in Vienna...
Saturday, September 15, 2007
Home, Sweet Clean Home
Ah, after 17 hours of travel, we arrived at our wonderful little home last night around 10 pm. I was so thankful to myself (is that strange?) because I left everything so clean. We came home to a bed that was made, clean dishes and clothes, even a clean kitchen and bathroom. I will not say that all is still clean, but it was so refreshing to come home to a clean house. I felt like our little cottage had missed us and was just waiting patiently for our return. Today, we are watching MSU football, with our matching Dell laptops (no Macs for this family) in hand. We are so happy for our home...I know I keep repeating this, but I have been hit again by God's goodness that we could return to a place all our own. I am grateful for my cozy bed and my TV with bunny ears and aluminum foil. Its nice to hear once again the hum (OK, its really a roar) of our washing machine and the sounds of HJ's lawn mower. I was especially glad for our dependable hot water and water pressure. Tomorrow, we head to San Francisco to further our jet lag. I am planning on posting pictures and more Europe stories later.
Happy Saturday!
Happy Saturday!
Monday, September 10, 2007
Prague to Vienna
We have been in Prague, Czech Republic for 2 days, and we are now exploring our first Austrian city. We made it to Vienna today after a morning of misadventure. We arrived at the train station one hour before our departure time, just to be safe, only to find that we were at the wrong station. We took the Metro to the other station and got on the train. Then, we found that we were supposed to get reservation to ride the train. Fortunately, they did not kick us out, but we did have to pay some extra money. I have been pushed for time, so my blogging has slowed down, but our tour is going well. In Prague, we visited several old churches, a castle, an old foot bridge, a classical concert, the church of John Hus (an early reformer), and several delicious restaurants. We were fairly certain (well, I was anyway) that we were sitting next to Simon and Garfunkel last night during dinner. There were two men sitting across from a lady. On the right, one guy had curly/frizzy hair with garfunkelish glasses. The other guy, on the left, was fairly nondescript, but they had a guitar with them and were having some heavy music discussions. We took their picture, but were convinced it wasn't them when the lady paid for dinner.
Prague was picturesque, like page after page out of a fairy tale, and the weather was perfect. We are continually surprised by how old everything is. The cathedral we visited was started in the 1300's. I will give more details late, but now I need to get to bed. Just a bit on Vienna...the part that we have seen is great, much more modern that Prague. We ate in a restaurant tonight whose building has existed since the 1100's. It was two stories below ground. Well, that's all for now. Hopefully, I can write more later, but the internet connections are few and far between.
Prague was picturesque, like page after page out of a fairy tale, and the weather was perfect. We are continually surprised by how old everything is. The cathedral we visited was started in the 1300's. I will give more details late, but now I need to get to bed. Just a bit on Vienna...the part that we have seen is great, much more modern that Prague. We ate in a restaurant tonight whose building has existed since the 1100's. It was two stories below ground. Well, that's all for now. Hopefully, I can write more later, but the internet connections are few and far between.
Friday, September 07, 2007
Krakow (Cra-cough)
My blog time is limited today because I am using the internet in my hotel and I only paid for 30 minutes, 19 of which have already been used. So, here is 11 minutes worth of the last 24 hours...
Last night, I went by my lonesome to the Krakow Orchestra concert. I sat behind this man, an older English gentleman I think, who was also on our tour to the Salt Mines. He was wearing the same suit from the day before, small black and white checks, except at the salt mines he had a rain suit over it at first. He just looked like any other tourist with wind suit on. Then, much to our amusement, he took off his jacket and had a full suit beneath. I think he must be Mr. Bean's dad...his hair sticks up in the back like he has slept on it for days and only fixes the front in the morning.
Back to the concert...The orchestra turned out to be a chamber group (2 violins, a viola, cello, bass, and harpsichord. The first violinist had the most graceful and light sound. The concert was a perfect mix of old and new. Held in an old baroque style church, the group played concertos by bach, mozart, and corelli. But, the musicians were all around my age, some of the guys had spiky mohawkish hair and the girls were typical stylish europeans. I loved it.
In other news, HJ finishes work today. He is meeting with his European counterpart today (whatever that means) and then we are going to Aushwitz. The weather is still very rainy and my nose is still very runny. Tomorrow we leave for Prague to rendevous with our friends.
Until next time...
Last night, I went by my lonesome to the Krakow Orchestra concert. I sat behind this man, an older English gentleman I think, who was also on our tour to the Salt Mines. He was wearing the same suit from the day before, small black and white checks, except at the salt mines he had a rain suit over it at first. He just looked like any other tourist with wind suit on. Then, much to our amusement, he took off his jacket and had a full suit beneath. I think he must be Mr. Bean's dad...his hair sticks up in the back like he has slept on it for days and only fixes the front in the morning.
Back to the concert...The orchestra turned out to be a chamber group (2 violins, a viola, cello, bass, and harpsichord. The first violinist had the most graceful and light sound. The concert was a perfect mix of old and new. Held in an old baroque style church, the group played concertos by bach, mozart, and corelli. But, the musicians were all around my age, some of the guys had spiky mohawkish hair and the girls were typical stylish europeans. I loved it.
In other news, HJ finishes work today. He is meeting with his European counterpart today (whatever that means) and then we are going to Aushwitz. The weather is still very rainy and my nose is still very runny. Tomorrow we leave for Prague to rendevous with our friends.
Until next time...
Thursday, September 06, 2007
Krakow Day 3
I am sitting in HJ's cube in the office in Krakow. He is about 10 ft away in a glassed in room training a group of people to use some software. He must really know a lot about computers. Wouldn't it be nice if I could ask him a question about mine right now. I can see him, there he is answering someone's question about THEIR computer. Maybe I could send him a note under the door? Oh, I know, I'll write it on a piece of paper and hold it up to the window...HOW DO YOU GET PICTURES OFF THE CAMERA AND ONTO THE COMPUTER??? OK, maybe not. So, I am in a predicament. I do have lots of great photos, but I can't figure out how to put them on the blog. I think I need a CD with the Canon program. I'll try to work on that later...and since HJ has to train for 4 hours at a time, later may be really later. So, I'll give you all the verbal update and maybe pictures will follow soon.
We have been in Krakow three nights now. HJ has to work for 8 hours everyday, so that gives me plenty of time to explore. Yesterday (after my nap) I sat in a coffee shop for an hour or so sipping a latte, watching people, and reading Jane Austen. I felt so...well, so european I guess. I am still most enthralled by the people here. I want to look European...I have started wearing my scarf everyday because I think it looks highly stylish, but everyone still speaks to me in English so I must be giving away my American-ness somehow. How do they know? Maybe it's my Northface jacket? The New Balance tennis shoes? I'm not sure. By the way, a latte here is not like at home. It is actually lots of milk with a tiny bit of coffee...yum.
HJ and I also visited the salt mines yesterday. Krakow used to mine salt because it was highly profitable (like gold). The miners were very superstitious and would carve statues out of salt for good luck. There is even a huge chapel made completely out of salt. It was interesting, but a bit too touristy. Before the tour, we "got in trouble" with the tour guide...we were 5 minutes late because the ATM was broken and we had to go round up some Zloty (polish money). The bus almost left without us and everyone was very frantic due to our tardiness. Lesson learned--when in Poland be on time.
Tonight, I am entertaining myself by going to a Chopin/Mozart concert at the Twelve Apostles Church. I was also thinking about getting some highlights put in my hair, but I am worried I will come out with bangs. Everyone has such beautiful reddish highlights, and I think it is cheaper here to get your hair dyed. Tomorrow, we are going to the concentration camp, Auschwitz, outside of Krakow. Then, we will leave on Saturday for Prague.
The weather here is strange. It has rained everyday since our arrival, but the air is still so dry. I have been waking up with these sinusy headaches and a sore nose...I think I am addicted to humidity. I am not sure if you can have humidity withdrawal, but I am having it if it is possible. I also seem to be developing some sort of cold. I guess I am not immune to the Polish rhinovirus or whichever virus it is that causes the cold. Or, I could be allergic to Poland. I want to take an antihistamine, but I am already sleepy and my nose is already dry. Dry, but also running...very weird.
Things we visited today: The Wawel (vavel) Castle
Things I have eaten (including yesterday): Smoked Salmon with breakfast, Smoarna (meat and veggies) with french fries (the only food you can get Everywhere), More icecream (I have to try all the different flavors, right?), coffee, coffee, coffee
Reading: same
Random Impressions: I thought I would use some of HJ's random thoughts...
1. All the women here are either tall or short, there is no in between.
2. There is more acceptable variety in men's hairstyles here...mullets, mohawks, all ok for work.
3. No one has curly hair here.
4. You (meaning me) are a fairly tall woman (thanks, HJ, I'm glad you noticed).
Well, I hope all is well for you back home. Please keep us in your prayers. More updates (and pictures, hopefully) to come...
We have been in Krakow three nights now. HJ has to work for 8 hours everyday, so that gives me plenty of time to explore. Yesterday (after my nap) I sat in a coffee shop for an hour or so sipping a latte, watching people, and reading Jane Austen. I felt so...well, so european I guess. I am still most enthralled by the people here. I want to look European...I have started wearing my scarf everyday because I think it looks highly stylish, but everyone still speaks to me in English so I must be giving away my American-ness somehow. How do they know? Maybe it's my Northface jacket? The New Balance tennis shoes? I'm not sure. By the way, a latte here is not like at home. It is actually lots of milk with a tiny bit of coffee...yum.
HJ and I also visited the salt mines yesterday. Krakow used to mine salt because it was highly profitable (like gold). The miners were very superstitious and would carve statues out of salt for good luck. There is even a huge chapel made completely out of salt. It was interesting, but a bit too touristy. Before the tour, we "got in trouble" with the tour guide...we were 5 minutes late because the ATM was broken and we had to go round up some Zloty (polish money). The bus almost left without us and everyone was very frantic due to our tardiness. Lesson learned--when in Poland be on time.
Tonight, I am entertaining myself by going to a Chopin/Mozart concert at the Twelve Apostles Church. I was also thinking about getting some highlights put in my hair, but I am worried I will come out with bangs. Everyone has such beautiful reddish highlights, and I think it is cheaper here to get your hair dyed. Tomorrow, we are going to the concentration camp, Auschwitz, outside of Krakow. Then, we will leave on Saturday for Prague.
The weather here is strange. It has rained everyday since our arrival, but the air is still so dry. I have been waking up with these sinusy headaches and a sore nose...I think I am addicted to humidity. I am not sure if you can have humidity withdrawal, but I am having it if it is possible. I also seem to be developing some sort of cold. I guess I am not immune to the Polish rhinovirus or whichever virus it is that causes the cold. Or, I could be allergic to Poland. I want to take an antihistamine, but I am already sleepy and my nose is already dry. Dry, but also running...very weird.
Things we visited today: The Wawel (vavel) Castle
Things I have eaten (including yesterday): Smoked Salmon with breakfast, Smoarna (meat and veggies) with french fries (the only food you can get Everywhere), More icecream (I have to try all the different flavors, right?), coffee, coffee, coffee
Reading: same
Random Impressions: I thought I would use some of HJ's random thoughts...
1. All the women here are either tall or short, there is no in between.
2. There is more acceptable variety in men's hairstyles here...mullets, mohawks, all ok for work.
3. No one has curly hair here.
4. You (meaning me) are a fairly tall woman (thanks, HJ, I'm glad you noticed).
Well, I hope all is well for you back home. Please keep us in your prayers. More updates (and pictures, hopefully) to come...
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
Krakow, Poland
Czesc! (Hello!) Well, here I am in Krakow, Poland after a full day of plane rides and and airports and taxis. HJ and I left yesterday for our European Tour (sounds official, huh?). We will be here for 5 days while he trains some people at the Poland branch of his company, then we are meeting up with 4 of our friends to go to Prague, Vienna, Salzburg, and Munich. We are thrilled to have this time to spend together, and also to be able to travel. I have broken the long (very long) blogging silence to keep a log of our trip. I should be able to post pictures starting tomorrow (I forgot my USB cord tonight). So, here are some of the high points of the trip thus far...
1. All of our flight were on time. Actually we got one flight 3 hours early at no additional charge. This is astounding to me because my family has a travel/restaurant curse, so this would have never happened to me before I got married. Thanks, HJ!
2. We flew from Memphis to Amsterdam. ( I wanted to title this post "Amsterdam am I jet lagged", but thought it might be slightly inappropriate, but I guess you all know now anyway). The Amsterdam airport had these great chairs, "comfort chairs", were you could sit an catch up on your sleep. This would never happen in the US, but I am realizing that Europeans in general take their rest and relaxation seriously.
3. We had to fly in a teeny tiny plane from Warsaw to Krakow. I was terrified at first, because I don't like planes where the propeller has to get going before you can take off. The whole flight was wobbly, but we made it with no damage.
4. Our hotel is nice, with free breakfast.
5. Krakow is beautiful. Today we got up and explored a bit. I love to watch all the interesting people- men in suits going to work (at 11 am), women with scarves and so many different shoes, kids on a field trip all wearing ties but nothing else that resembles a uniform. My favorite part of travelling outside of the States is realizing that there are other people out there. People who are so different- strange language that sounds like so many consonants strung together, strange clothes in layers with boots and hats, strange habits and customs-and yet they are still so much like us. They still work and talk and laugh and love each other. They still envy and lust and hurt each other. It is humbling to remember that I did nothing on my own to be born into a wonderful family in the US. God has so richly blessed me, but it is only to His credit, and for His glory that he does any of it. He can save me or an old man in Poland or a child in Africa, and it is all just because he loves us.
OK, that was a long one. I'm sorry for the tangential writing. I did want to keep a few things consistent in my travel blogging, just for record sake. So, here goes:
Things we visited today in Krakow: Cloth Market, Old Town, Bell Tower, Gallery (a huge mall)
Things I ate: peiregowa (dumplings with meet and cheese), goulash, Italian ice cream, truffles, lots of coffee
Currently reading: More Love to Thee, Sense and Sensibility
Random Impression: People here like to wear tight pants and clothes that don't match (I fit right in with the not matching). Also, bangs are big (I hope this trend doesn't find its way to us.)
That's all for now. Good night!
1. All of our flight were on time. Actually we got one flight 3 hours early at no additional charge. This is astounding to me because my family has a travel/restaurant curse, so this would have never happened to me before I got married. Thanks, HJ!
2. We flew from Memphis to Amsterdam. ( I wanted to title this post "Amsterdam am I jet lagged", but thought it might be slightly inappropriate, but I guess you all know now anyway). The Amsterdam airport had these great chairs, "comfort chairs", were you could sit an catch up on your sleep. This would never happen in the US, but I am realizing that Europeans in general take their rest and relaxation seriously.
3. We had to fly in a teeny tiny plane from Warsaw to Krakow. I was terrified at first, because I don't like planes where the propeller has to get going before you can take off. The whole flight was wobbly, but we made it with no damage.
4. Our hotel is nice, with free breakfast.
5. Krakow is beautiful. Today we got up and explored a bit. I love to watch all the interesting people- men in suits going to work (at 11 am), women with scarves and so many different shoes, kids on a field trip all wearing ties but nothing else that resembles a uniform. My favorite part of travelling outside of the States is realizing that there are other people out there. People who are so different- strange language that sounds like so many consonants strung together, strange clothes in layers with boots and hats, strange habits and customs-and yet they are still so much like us. They still work and talk and laugh and love each other. They still envy and lust and hurt each other. It is humbling to remember that I did nothing on my own to be born into a wonderful family in the US. God has so richly blessed me, but it is only to His credit, and for His glory that he does any of it. He can save me or an old man in Poland or a child in Africa, and it is all just because he loves us.
OK, that was a long one. I'm sorry for the tangential writing. I did want to keep a few things consistent in my travel blogging, just for record sake. So, here goes:
Things we visited today in Krakow: Cloth Market, Old Town, Bell Tower, Gallery (a huge mall)
Things I ate: peiregowa (dumplings with meet and cheese), goulash, Italian ice cream, truffles, lots of coffee
Currently reading: More Love to Thee, Sense and Sensibility
Random Impression: People here like to wear tight pants and clothes that don't match (I fit right in with the not matching). Also, bangs are big (I hope this trend doesn't find its way to us.)
That's all for now. Good night!
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Well, here it goes...
I wrote this poem several months ago but I have not posted it because it is somewhat harsh. But, in explanation, it is written to myself. I found myself wanting to help my patients who were "innocent", those whose disease had happened to them in a seemingly unjust manner, more than I wanted to help the drunkards, the morbidly obese patients, and the criminals. And, looking at myself, I was humbled by the fact that Christ died for me when I was yet a sinner, before I could even ask to be saved. If He can love me like this, when I sinned against him, hurting myself, how can I not love my patients who also "did it to themselves"?
rotting flesh, stench following me home
to safety where I dwell
awful scent of sweat and anaerobes
mingled with guilt and fear
guilt because the illness is self-induced
fear because there is no end, no cure, no stopping it
rotting flesh, pounds of fat beneath
sad eyes sinking into round cheeks
open wounds in crevices no one wants to clean
wounds inside from gazes averted and blame cast
gasping for air, short sentences between breaths
the weight of years bearing down on the soul beneath
rotting flesh, I stare then look away
show no mercy for him who ate drank sexed shot up hurt himself
help the sick and innocent but not the guilty
let him sit in dying skin
sinking lower in a pit of his own mistakes and excrement
waiting for another day of death
my own faults too many to weigh
finite list of sins but infinite capacity for the bad
death in my every breath
the greatness of my sin hiding even the need for help
rotting flesh behind, layers of self love and self disgust
he pulls me out of the pit
shedding what held me to the ground
He saved me from myself when I was yet guilty
He loved me dark and running with my own seeping sin
Dying, He saved me though I did it to myself
Ephesians 2:1-10
And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience- among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind. But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ- by grace you have been saved- and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.
rotting flesh, stench following me home
to safety where I dwell
awful scent of sweat and anaerobes
mingled with guilt and fear
guilt because the illness is self-induced
fear because there is no end, no cure, no stopping it
rotting flesh, pounds of fat beneath
sad eyes sinking into round cheeks
open wounds in crevices no one wants to clean
wounds inside from gazes averted and blame cast
gasping for air, short sentences between breaths
the weight of years bearing down on the soul beneath
rotting flesh, I stare then look away
show no mercy for him who ate drank sexed shot up hurt himself
help the sick and innocent but not the guilty
let him sit in dying skin
sinking lower in a pit of his own mistakes and excrement
waiting for another day of death
rotting flesh, this is me to Jesus
my own faults too many to weigh
finite list of sins but infinite capacity for the bad
death in my every breath
the greatness of my sin hiding even the need for help
rotting flesh behind, layers of self love and self disgust
he pulls me out of the pit
shedding what held me to the ground
He saved me from myself when I was yet guilty
He loved me dark and running with my own seeping sin
Dying, He saved me though I did it to myself
Ephesians 2:1-10
And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience- among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind. But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ- by grace you have been saved- and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Summer already...
Happy June! I have returned from my long blog sabbatical, though I am not promising any consistent blogging for the next month. This month, really the last two months, has flown by without any concern for my wanting it to slow down. I have taken the USMLE (medical licensing exam) Step 1 and begun my first clerkship in pediatrics. Gone are my own preferences on how to use my time. Gone are the afternoons of couches and coffee (and books). Gone is my own routine, my own schedule, my own time. Yes, these luxuries are gone. I have been planning around only my own desires for the last two years, and I am now at the mercy of those "higher-ups." But, I am also at the mercy, the great and sacred mercy, of God. He has so kindly given me this time of servitude to hopefully pull out of me my selfishness. Here are some of the verses I am memorizing for the upcoming months:
"Be subject for the Lord's sake to every human institution, whether it be to the emperor as supreme, or to governors as sent by him to punish those who do evil and to praise those who do good. For this is the will of God, that by doing good you should put to silence the ignorance of foolish people. Live as people who are free, not using your freedom as a cover-up for evil, but living as servants of God. Honor everyone. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the emperor.
Servants, be subject to your masters with all respect, not only to the good and gentle but also to the unjust. For this is a gracious thing, when, mindful of God, one endures sorrows while suffering unjustly. For what credit is it if , when you sin and are beaten for it, you endure? But if when you do good and suffer for it you endure, this is a gracious thing in the sight of God. For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you , leaving you and example, so that you might follow in his steps. He committed no sin, neither was deceit found in his mouth. When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly. He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By his wounds you have been healed. For you were straying like sheep, but have now returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls." 1 Peter 2:13-25
I do not mean to imply that I am endure sorrows or suffering unjustly, because I am not. But, I will have people in authority who instruct and correct me. I want to serve them as if I was serving God. I want to serve them humbly, unselfishly, without excuse. I am so grateful for the authority that I will have for the next few years in my life, be they "good and gentle" or "unjust." Either way, I hope to serve them with love. Please pray for me as I try to do this-pray for God's strength and grace in my heart.
On more of a practical note, I have noticed that peommes has become more like prosemmes in the last few months. The poems have been few and far between because my down time has followed the same pattern. Thanks for reading despite (or maybe because of) the lack of poems. I am working on one, so look for a post in the next day or two. Have a beautiful and relaxing first day of June!
"Be subject for the Lord's sake to every human institution, whether it be to the emperor as supreme, or to governors as sent by him to punish those who do evil and to praise those who do good. For this is the will of God, that by doing good you should put to silence the ignorance of foolish people. Live as people who are free, not using your freedom as a cover-up for evil, but living as servants of God. Honor everyone. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the emperor.
Servants, be subject to your masters with all respect, not only to the good and gentle but also to the unjust. For this is a gracious thing, when, mindful of God, one endures sorrows while suffering unjustly. For what credit is it if , when you sin and are beaten for it, you endure? But if when you do good and suffer for it you endure, this is a gracious thing in the sight of God. For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you , leaving you and example, so that you might follow in his steps. He committed no sin, neither was deceit found in his mouth. When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly. He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By his wounds you have been healed. For you were straying like sheep, but have now returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls." 1 Peter 2:13-25
I do not mean to imply that I am endure sorrows or suffering unjustly, because I am not. But, I will have people in authority who instruct and correct me. I want to serve them as if I was serving God. I want to serve them humbly, unselfishly, without excuse. I am so grateful for the authority that I will have for the next few years in my life, be they "good and gentle" or "unjust." Either way, I hope to serve them with love. Please pray for me as I try to do this-pray for God's strength and grace in my heart.
On more of a practical note, I have noticed that peommes has become more like prosemmes in the last few months. The poems have been few and far between because my down time has followed the same pattern. Thanks for reading despite (or maybe because of) the lack of poems. I am working on one, so look for a post in the next day or two. Have a beautiful and relaxing first day of June!
Thursday, April 12, 2007
The Small Things
I am not an irresponsible person, but I have a terrible time getting small things done. This is strange, I know, for someone who is fairly Type A and also in medical school. You would think that I would be all organization and schedules, and I am for the most part. I like my house clean (not just neat, but actually free of germs), and I love to make lists. Sometimes I add things to my lists that I have already done, just so I can then cross them off. However, I hate (yes, actually despise) taking care of small details. I cannot think of anything worse than mailing letters (I like to write them, just not mail them), making phone calls, putting my insurance card in my car...I have no idea why these things, chores that take a total of two minutes, bother me so, but they do. And not only do I not want to do them, it bothers me that I have not done them. This vice of mine is also most annoying to my husband because he gets things done immediately, before I even knew they needed to be done. Anyway, I did not mean to be so long winded, but I needed to explain this side of myself in order to share a story of God's provision.
On Tuesday, I took a practice test at the testing center where I will take Step 1 next week. All the procedures were identical to the real test, so I had to show my driver's license and sign in. Of course, due to my above mentioned problem, I did not want to put my license back in my wallet-too much trouble even if I had thought to do it-so I put it in my back pocket. I did not think about said license again, and it would probably still be in my jeans pockets, on the hook in the closet without God's kind providence. (By the way, the hook system in my closet is another example of my problem...I do not want to hang up jeans that I am going to where again in two days, so I have hooks.) Well, yesterday I decided at the last minute to go to church for dinner, so I changed out of my sweats and into my jeans that were still hanging on the hook. These jeans are a bit too short, but I wore them anyway. On the way into church, I decided to try to pull my jeans down a bit, so I would not look like I was waiting for a flood, and much to my surprise, I found my driver's license in my back pocket. I am so thankful that my pants were too short, that I decided to eat at church, that I left my jeans hanging on the hook. God once again took care of me, even in this seemingly small thing, because next Tuesday I will be able to take my test, instead of arriving without my driver's license. Wow, how amazing to see God's hand even in the smallest things. I guess this is also a lesson that I need to work on getting the small things done.
On Tuesday, I took a practice test at the testing center where I will take Step 1 next week. All the procedures were identical to the real test, so I had to show my driver's license and sign in. Of course, due to my above mentioned problem, I did not want to put my license back in my wallet-too much trouble even if I had thought to do it-so I put it in my back pocket. I did not think about said license again, and it would probably still be in my jeans pockets, on the hook in the closet without God's kind providence. (By the way, the hook system in my closet is another example of my problem...I do not want to hang up jeans that I am going to where again in two days, so I have hooks.) Well, yesterday I decided at the last minute to go to church for dinner, so I changed out of my sweats and into my jeans that were still hanging on the hook. These jeans are a bit too short, but I wore them anyway. On the way into church, I decided to try to pull my jeans down a bit, so I would not look like I was waiting for a flood, and much to my surprise, I found my driver's license in my back pocket. I am so thankful that my pants were too short, that I decided to eat at church, that I left my jeans hanging on the hook. God once again took care of me, even in this seemingly small thing, because next Tuesday I will be able to take my test, instead of arriving without my driver's license. Wow, how amazing to see God's hand even in the smallest things. I guess this is also a lesson that I need to work on getting the small things done.
Friday, April 06, 2007
Good Friday
Is not good Friday a strange name? No other religions can call the day their lord dies "good". But it is so good to us. Today, and every day, we celebrate the death of our Lord and our God. Jesus Christ, humble in human flesh, bleeding and disgraced, died on the cross. He have himself for our sins; He lived perfectly and died that we might take part in his inheritance. We are heirs with him because He has imparted his righteousness on us. What else do we need to call it Good Friday?
I have been praying specifically that God would allow me to understand more his steadfast and deep love for his children. And, thankfully God has opened my eyes in many ways to the depth of his love. This is what Paul prays for us in Ephesians 3- that we would have the "strength to comprehend with all the saints...the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge." The strength? Isn't is odd that this requires strength? To comprehend something that surpasses knowledge? How can we? I think that Paul is showing us that we never will. For all eternity we will be comprehending, never wholly understanding, but forever in awe of Christ's unfailing and holy love.
Here is an old hymn (1700's) by Isaac Watts:
Alas and did my savior bleed
And did my Sovereign die?
Would He devote that sacred head
For sinners such as I?
Was it for sins that I have done
He suffered on the tree?
Amazing pity! Grace unknown! And love beyond degree!
Well might the sun in darkness hide
And shut His glory in
When Christ, the great Redeemer died
For man the creature's sin.
Thus might I hide my blushing face
While His dear cross appears,
Dissolve my heart in thankfulness,
And melt mine eyes to tears.
But drops of grief can ne'er repay
The debt of love I owe:
Here, Lord, I give my self away
'Tis all that I can do.
I have been praying specifically that God would allow me to understand more his steadfast and deep love for his children. And, thankfully God has opened my eyes in many ways to the depth of his love. This is what Paul prays for us in Ephesians 3- that we would have the "strength to comprehend with all the saints...the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge." The strength? Isn't is odd that this requires strength? To comprehend something that surpasses knowledge? How can we? I think that Paul is showing us that we never will. For all eternity we will be comprehending, never wholly understanding, but forever in awe of Christ's unfailing and holy love.
Here is an old hymn (1700's) by Isaac Watts:
Alas and did my savior bleed
And did my Sovereign die?
Would He devote that sacred head
For sinners such as I?
Was it for sins that I have done
He suffered on the tree?
Amazing pity! Grace unknown! And love beyond degree!
Well might the sun in darkness hide
And shut His glory in
When Christ, the great Redeemer died
For man the creature's sin.
Thus might I hide my blushing face
While His dear cross appears,
Dissolve my heart in thankfulness,
And melt mine eyes to tears.
But drops of grief can ne'er repay
The debt of love I owe:
Here, Lord, I give my self away
'Tis all that I can do.
Monday, April 02, 2007
pride and humility
Sometimes my life is themed. For weeks, I will have some continuous theme that recurs in my life. I will see the same person in different places or learn the same thing from different sources. Often, I will hear the same verse repeated, over and over, as if God is banging me over the head with a specific idea. Sadly, my theme for the week is humility, or lack of it. Now, I cringe to even discuss humility openly, because I do not want to learn humility. It is dreadful to imagine the ways I could be taught humility...bad test grades, embarrassment, helplessness. No, I am most certain that I do not want to be taught humility, but, oh, I do want it. And herein lies the dilemma. How can I learn humility without being humiliated? How can I get rid of my awful pride and still look like I have it all together? I suppose the answer is that I cannot.
Let me tell you about the way I am being hit over the head by humility. It is subtle, but it is obvious to me that my innards need to change. Last week, I posted the verses from Ephesians 3, Paul's prayer for the Ephesians. Well, today I went to a Holy Monday service at lunch, and what was the scripture being exposited but Ephesians 3. I did not think this verse was about humility, but now I see that it surely is. Paul prays that we will have the strength to know the love of Christ-the breadth and length and depth and height of it. And now I see that Christ's great love must humble me so much more than any embarrassment on earth, for He saved me when I could not save myself. I did nothing to deserve his peculiar love. And, He has saved so many people that I would not have saved because of my deeply ingrained pride, my self esteem, my sin. He has saved the poor, and the dirty, and the sick, and the evil. And those people that I do not want to sit with or talk to, and definitely not touch, He has loved them, too.
Those people are me. I am evil without Christ. I am sinful and full of myself. I am unlovable to all but Christ. Oh, the breadth and length and height and dept of the unspeakable love of Jesus. This is my joy...His love, not myself. How thankful I am that I do not have to rely on myself, that my salvation does not depend on me, that He will forever be my righteousness. My humility is in my lack of holiness, but my joy must also be there. Jesus Christ is my only hope, but in Him I have all the hope I need.
Praise Him for our salvation and that we can celebrate Easter with joy for the salvation we have received. Happy Holy Monday!
Let me tell you about the way I am being hit over the head by humility. It is subtle, but it is obvious to me that my innards need to change. Last week, I posted the verses from Ephesians 3, Paul's prayer for the Ephesians. Well, today I went to a Holy Monday service at lunch, and what was the scripture being exposited but Ephesians 3. I did not think this verse was about humility, but now I see that it surely is. Paul prays that we will have the strength to know the love of Christ-the breadth and length and depth and height of it. And now I see that Christ's great love must humble me so much more than any embarrassment on earth, for He saved me when I could not save myself. I did nothing to deserve his peculiar love. And, He has saved so many people that I would not have saved because of my deeply ingrained pride, my self esteem, my sin. He has saved the poor, and the dirty, and the sick, and the evil. And those people that I do not want to sit with or talk to, and definitely not touch, He has loved them, too.
Those people are me. I am evil without Christ. I am sinful and full of myself. I am unlovable to all but Christ. Oh, the breadth and length and height and dept of the unspeakable love of Jesus. This is my joy...His love, not myself. How thankful I am that I do not have to rely on myself, that my salvation does not depend on me, that He will forever be my righteousness. My humility is in my lack of holiness, but my joy must also be there. Jesus Christ is my only hope, but in Him I have all the hope I need.
Praise Him for our salvation and that we can celebrate Easter with joy for the salvation we have received. Happy Holy Monday!
Thursday, March 29, 2007
My study schedule is calling, so I must make this short, but I wanted to share from Ephesians. This prayer that Paul prays for the Ephesians is what I pray for many of you and what I hope you will also pray for me. God's gracious love and sovereign plan are our comfort, and what great comfort and security they are. If He has saved us from sin and death, will He not meet all our other needs as well?
For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith-that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do for more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen
Ephesians 3: 14-21
For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith-that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do for more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen
Ephesians 3: 14-21
Monday, March 26, 2007
And We're Off...
Today is Day One of studying for Step 1, the first of three medical licensing exams that I will be taking on April 17. I am going to try to blog more during the next three weeks and maybe it will help me maintain some degree of sanity. Please, pray for me that I would have diligence and energy to study every day. I am a bit worried at the prospect of spending so much time with myself, and I am praying that God will help me to glorify him even in my studying. Studying can be a very selfish endeavor for me because it is just me and the books, and by the end of the day I have spent much of my time thinking about how I will do on the boards, how I am feeling, if I am hungry or thirsty, if I, I, I, I...you get the idea. Anyway, I am not sure what the answer is, except to pray that my eyes would be lifted to Him who made the heavens and the earth and me, for He is the one who has saved me, and He is the one who can change me. So, even though my studying seems only focused on me, I am trying more and more to focus on the One who gave me all that I have, and to realize that the things I am learning will someday help me serve the sick and sad that presently seem so far removed. It is hard to believe that learning the Krebs cycle or how DNA mutations are repaired can really help someone, but I am trying. Surely some of this will be useful someday, or maybe it is just a great conspiracy by medical school test writers to make me miserable. Well, for today they will not succeed. I will not be miserable. Birds are singing, the sun is out, and all the azalea have bloomed. Yes, it is quite lovely here, and even my little hydrangea has decided to peak her head out for another year. So, miserable test writers, and all you people who think amino acids are interesting, here is to you. I am one less medical student that you have made miserable today. Praise God, for he makes all things possible.
Pictures of Miss Hydrangea and The Azaleas and The Vine that Smells Like Babies (yes, I realize this is strange but is is true) :
Ephesians 1:3-10
Blessed by the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly places, even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love he predestined us for adoption through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, which he lavished upon us in all wisdom and insight making known to us the mystery of his will, according to his purpose, which he set forth in Christ as a plan for the fullness of time, to unite all things in him, things in heaven and things on earth.
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
Praise God!
Well, I've not the time to post anything extensive, but I just wanted to share with you (whoever you few readers may be) that today was a major milestone in my life. I have been going to school every year, year after year, for twenty years. Twenty Years! That is a long time. Ok, so four year old kindergarten was not stressful, but beginning with K5 I have been working pretty hard (all that cutting and pasting...yuck). And today, after all this time, I have finished my final day of actual class. Yes, I will still have lectures from time to time, but no more of this endless sitting in class all day. No more numb feet from chairs that cut off my circulation. No more eating my lunch at 10:00am because it might help me stay awake. No more will my life be divided into 50 minute segments everyday. I must admit, I am thrilled. Hooray for 20 years of classroom based learning that is now behind me. I shed no tears, but I am sure I will look back nostalgically in the next few months when I am caring for sick people in the wee hours of the morning. But for now, I am jumping up and down. Four more tests to go...and off to the real world of doctoring.
So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom.
Return, O Lord. How long?
Have pity on your servants!
Satisfy us in the morning with your steadfast love,
that we may rejoice and be glad all our days.
Make us glad for as many days as you have afflicted us,
and for as many years as we have seen evil.
Let your work be shown to your servants,
and your glorious power to their children.
Let the favor of the Lord our God be upon us,
and establish the work of our hands upon us;
yes, establish the work of our hands!
Psalm 90:12-17
So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom.
Return, O Lord. How long?
Have pity on your servants!
Satisfy us in the morning with your steadfast love,
that we may rejoice and be glad all our days.
Make us glad for as many days as you have afflicted us,
and for as many years as we have seen evil.
Let your work be shown to your servants,
and your glorious power to their children.
Let the favor of the Lord our God be upon us,
and establish the work of our hands upon us;
yes, establish the work of our hands!
Psalm 90:12-17
Friday, February 09, 2007
winter trees and hope of spring
I am like the winter tree
having shed the last speckle of summer's green
with the last flourish of fall color
donned as if death was not expected
All the spring and summer growth
seems to escape and fly away
all evidence that beauty had emerged
lost in winds of chilling gray
drifting drifting into my winter dreams
I am left alone
with only bare branches to be seen
and only my roots for comfort
deep down where the cold fears to go
slowly slowly the heart sings songs of hope
I think this poem might be a weird one, but sometimes I feel like the growth God has given has hidden itself away for awhile. Those in the true family of Christ, heirs to his glory, must know that their foundation, their root, is in Christ. He gives life and growth. We have been grafted in to his beautiful tree, and He will be faithful to finish this work he has started in us. So, as we eagerly await the coming spring, let us also eagerly await and pray for change in our lives. And, as always, we must give God the praise for the change that He alone can bring.
Philippians 1:6
And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
The Return of Tumor Robin
Well, Tumor Robin lives.
Who, you may ask, is Tumor Robin? He is our own cancer-ridden (or maybe its benign, so neoplasm-ridden) robin. He lives is our yard, and he disappears for lenghthy bits of time only to reappear when our last hope for him has given out. Tumor Robin (pronounced the same way you would say Christopher Robin from Winnie the Pooh) has a large and growing mass on the back of his head, and I guess it will never be fixed. When robins get cancer, they do not get rushed to the hospital. No one sits down with them and tells them that they have cancer and discusses the possible treatments with them. Chemo? Surgery? Radiation? No, just waiting and watching for robins. They do not even know what cancer is. For robins, life is only hopping around in the back of worried people's yards and gathering worms, or whatever else it is that they eat. Tumor Robin is happy, or at least he seems to be. I don't think he has any friends because he is always alone. Yesterday, a blue jay even tried to attack him, and still he just hopped around, a little wobbly from the effects of the tumor, but still hopping around. I came home in a complete panic to study two more hours for my test, and there he was, a reminder of my complete lack of trust in God, just hopping around, eating, and letting his little tumor grow larger. I guess this is what Jesus is talking about in Matt 6, about not worrying. How could Tumor Robin worry? He has no friends and cancer, but our Heavenly Father feeds him. I want to be more like Tumor Robin, trusting God for my next breath, and not trusting myself. When I go to sleep at night, it is God who sustains me, and when I wake in the morning, it is God who gives me grace to make it through the day. God is my strength and my song, my help in times of trouble, and my kind refuge. I want to be more like Tumor Robin, and the Christians that I see with this same attitude. I want to trust God for my next breath and pray that his will alone be done in my life. To God be the glory in all things.
Matt 6:25-30, 33
Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lillies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I can tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But is God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown in to the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?
But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
Who, you may ask, is Tumor Robin? He is our own cancer-ridden (or maybe its benign, so neoplasm-ridden) robin. He lives is our yard, and he disappears for lenghthy bits of time only to reappear when our last hope for him has given out. Tumor Robin (pronounced the same way you would say Christopher Robin from Winnie the Pooh) has a large and growing mass on the back of his head, and I guess it will never be fixed. When robins get cancer, they do not get rushed to the hospital. No one sits down with them and tells them that they have cancer and discusses the possible treatments with them. Chemo? Surgery? Radiation? No, just waiting and watching for robins. They do not even know what cancer is. For robins, life is only hopping around in the back of worried people's yards and gathering worms, or whatever else it is that they eat. Tumor Robin is happy, or at least he seems to be. I don't think he has any friends because he is always alone. Yesterday, a blue jay even tried to attack him, and still he just hopped around, a little wobbly from the effects of the tumor, but still hopping around. I came home in a complete panic to study two more hours for my test, and there he was, a reminder of my complete lack of trust in God, just hopping around, eating, and letting his little tumor grow larger. I guess this is what Jesus is talking about in Matt 6, about not worrying. How could Tumor Robin worry? He has no friends and cancer, but our Heavenly Father feeds him. I want to be more like Tumor Robin, trusting God for my next breath, and not trusting myself. When I go to sleep at night, it is God who sustains me, and when I wake in the morning, it is God who gives me grace to make it through the day. God is my strength and my song, my help in times of trouble, and my kind refuge. I want to be more like Tumor Robin, and the Christians that I see with this same attitude. I want to trust God for my next breath and pray that his will alone be done in my life. To God be the glory in all things.
Matt 6:25-30, 33
Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lillies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I can tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But is God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown in to the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?
But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
Saturday, January 20, 2007
Like a Skin
This weekend we have been at a Tim Keller conference: Cruciformity, Shaped by the Cross. I was so challenged and encouraged. Lately, I seem to have a disconnect between what I believe and want to be and how I actually work out my salvation. Quite honestly, I have been very discouraged by lack of fruit. I do believe that my assurance of salvation is in fruit. Obviously, God does the calling and the saving of me, a sinner deserving nothing but eternal punishment. Yes, Jesus Christ did the saving when He died in my place on the cross. But, as a Christian, my actions should follow my conversion. Dr. Keller was refreshing in his cross-centered perspective of conversion and change. I was convicted that many times I am not reminding myself that I am free (Romans 6) but am living as if I am still in bondage to sin. The cross changes us, especially as the Holy Spirit reveals to us the wonders of the cross and of God's perfect and steadfast love.
This is a song by Sara Groves. I've been listening to it for the last couple days on my ipod so I thought I would share:
The butterfly can just look back
Flap those wings and say Oh, yeah
I never have to be a worm again
The snake gets tired of being him
He wriggles from that itchy skin
Leaves it lying where he’s been and moves on
I’ve been longing for something tangible
Some kind of proof that there’s been change in me
Feels like I have been waking up
Only to fight with the same old stuff
Change is slow and it fills me with such doubt
Come on New Man where have you been
Help me wriggle from this Self I’m in
And leave it like a skin
This is a song by Sara Groves. I've been listening to it for the last couple days on my ipod so I thought I would share:
The butterfly can just look back
Flap those wings and say Oh, yeah
I never have to be a worm again
The snake gets tired of being him
He wriggles from that itchy skin
Leaves it lying where he’s been and moves on
I’ve been longing for something tangible
Some kind of proof that there’s been change in me
Feels like I have been waking up
Only to fight with the same old stuff
Change is slow and it fills me with such doubt
Come on New Man where have you been
Help me wriggle from this Self I’m in
And leave it like a skin
Thursday, January 04, 2007
A new year and still sorely in need of grace...
Happy New Year, all ye who still read this long forsaken blog. January 1, 2007, has come and gone, and it is safe to say that I do not feel much changed. Is not the first day of the year a needed reminder that I cannot do anything on my own? I did not make any firm resolutions except that I quietly hid hopes of becoming kinder and more patient in the back of my mind. And by becoming, I meant that I would be, without set back or delay, immediately kinder and more patient. Kindness and patience are not the actual words I was internally using, but I just desired a general sense of unselfishness and humble godliness. Sounds good, huh? However, New Year's Day proceeded something like this:
8:00, Wake up, drink coffee, seem to have a very unselfish attitude.
9:00 Pray with husband...Ok, so this was actually beneficial. I should have started here in the first place, on my knees instead of pridefully thinking I can suddenly be what I have never been before on my own.
10-2 Groceries, lunch, etc. No big set backs yet. (I'm sure there were many inward sins, but for the sake of the story, I'm just depicting the outward appearance. I am by no means saying that I had not sinned up to this point, because I know I had. OK, just wanted to clear that up...)
2:30 Here it comes...I am taking the groceries in and Flesh rears its awful head...An unkind word to husband because obviously you should not try to have serious conversation when taking in the groceries. And, of course, all the groceries must be brought in in one trip, or all is lost, so my arms are giving way quickly under the weight of eight or so Walmart bags. Inwardly, I sink...the new year is now a complete failure. I can never start again. Oh, no!
2:45 Groceries up (with husband's help)
3:00 Start black-eyed peas to simmering. Quick bike ride with all the other New Year's exercisers.
Ok, so I could go on, but hopefully you get the point. I started my new year on the wrong foot, or wrong feet, because I started it on my own feet. Why did I not realize that God in his infinite kindness and steadfast love had given me those desires to be more like him? I am thankful that He has worked on me so much already. And, why did I think that on January 1, though on no other day, I could of my own will be better? I must admit I laughed at myself quite a bit when I realized my prideful mistakes. This year, like every other year, I must be changed by his power, not my own. So, Happy New Year. I hope you do not follow in my foot steps my taking change into your own hands. Work in God's strength for his glory.
Not to us, O Lord, not to us,
but to your name give glory,
for the sake of your steadfast love and faithfulness!
Psalm 115: 1
8:00, Wake up, drink coffee, seem to have a very unselfish attitude.
9:00 Pray with husband...Ok, so this was actually beneficial. I should have started here in the first place, on my knees instead of pridefully thinking I can suddenly be what I have never been before on my own.
10-2 Groceries, lunch, etc. No big set backs yet. (I'm sure there were many inward sins, but for the sake of the story, I'm just depicting the outward appearance. I am by no means saying that I had not sinned up to this point, because I know I had. OK, just wanted to clear that up...)
2:30 Here it comes...I am taking the groceries in and Flesh rears its awful head...An unkind word to husband because obviously you should not try to have serious conversation when taking in the groceries. And, of course, all the groceries must be brought in in one trip, or all is lost, so my arms are giving way quickly under the weight of eight or so Walmart bags. Inwardly, I sink...the new year is now a complete failure. I can never start again. Oh, no!
2:45 Groceries up (with husband's help)
3:00 Start black-eyed peas to simmering. Quick bike ride with all the other New Year's exercisers.
Ok, so I could go on, but hopefully you get the point. I started my new year on the wrong foot, or wrong feet, because I started it on my own feet. Why did I not realize that God in his infinite kindness and steadfast love had given me those desires to be more like him? I am thankful that He has worked on me so much already. And, why did I think that on January 1, though on no other day, I could of my own will be better? I must admit I laughed at myself quite a bit when I realized my prideful mistakes. This year, like every other year, I must be changed by his power, not my own. So, Happy New Year. I hope you do not follow in my foot steps my taking change into your own hands. Work in God's strength for his glory.
Not to us, O Lord, not to us,
but to your name give glory,
for the sake of your steadfast love and faithfulness!
Psalm 115: 1
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